I woke late to find Javier had let himself out. Steve was already up drinking coffee on the sofa. I quickly grabbed mine and joined him.
“Well?” I asked. Everything so perfectly clear in that one word.
“Would that be the norm?” he asked, quite sincerely.
“I can’t say for certain, and I’ll not commit. But I suspect that parties like that will be somewhat regular. It’s you and me normally, and then the occasional distraction. I may want a woman, for me, for you, or us both. Or I may want a gaggle of men. Another couple or two would be nice as well. I also have a desire to have you serve naked at an open house for my girlfriends. But I’d say, to put some perspective on it, 3 times out of 5, it’ll just be us”.
I studied him for a bit and then said, “But how did it feel being told what to do and knowing you had no choice but to comply or leave? And before you answer, I love you. I want you happy. I want the best for you. And I want you always present and participating when I have sex. But if you choose to defy me, I’ll do what I want anyway, even without you. If you have a problem, discuss it with me. I feel confident we can find a solution together. But absolute authority lies with me. I absolutely would have fucked Javier last night if you’d left at dinner. Sex doesn’t define my love for you, or for anyone. My love goes to you, and I’ll be hurt to know you’re hurt. But if you’re to be hurt by my having sex with other people, then best we both know that now and plan separate lives.”
“You can still be my fuck-buddy!” I joked, with a grin, and lightly punched his shoulder.
“I’ll do as I wish, and you’ll do as you’re told, sexually or otherwise. If you can accept both of those things, and I hope you can, then yes, I’ll marry you” I offered.
“So, now the question is, after all you’ve heard, seen, and experienced, do you still wish to marry me?” I asked gently as I sipped my coffee.
I intently watched his expression as he collected his thoughts. I truly had no idea what he was about to say. My only hope lay in the fact that I didn’t awaken this morning to find him, and his belongings, gone. I waited patiently for him and continued to sip my coffee.
He turned towards me, “since the night of my proposal, I’ve learned quite a lot more about who you are. I’ve struggled with the idea of my not being the head of the household; this was an expectation I didn’t even know I possessed. From the time I became a man and began to have sex, I was always the one in control. The idea of not being in control, whether in or out of the bedroom, was not something to which I had given any thought. All I’ve experienced these last four weeks goes against everything I’ve known or come to expect, consciously or otherwise. But I find myself more in love with you now than I have ever been. I love your sense of adventure. I love your independence. I love your authority. I find that life is much more clear, definitely less gray, as I contemplate spending it as your property. I’ve found deep sexual intimacy with you, and that your control during sex is erotic to me. The last four weeks have shown me a completely different side of you, and of myself, and I find that I love you even more. Yes, I do want to marry you, if you’ll have me”.
I jump towards him before he finished his sentence, spilling my coffee on the floor, as I hugged him tightly in unbridled joy.
“I’ll take such good care of you” I cried happily as tears streamed down my face. I had thought I’d never find a man who would accept me as, and allow me to be, myself. I couldn’t stop the tears or the crying and so I just buried my face in the crook of his neck and sobbed with happiness. I had denied just how important this was to me and the relief flooding out of me seemed endless.
After a few minutes I began to collect myself. His t-shirt was a wet mess as I pulled myself back and apologized. I picked up my cup of coffee and begged him to stay where he was as I went and refilled it; the mess on the run would have to wait.
I came back with my coffee and sat down again, now largely composed except the red in my eyes.
“I want to say a couple of things that I’ve not yet had the occasion to say. I talk a big game about how I am the Master and you the slave. And all that is true. But just as you are no slave without a Master, I am no Master without a slave. Our arrangement is one of principle, and one you are free to walk away from at any time. But, and I think you understand this already, walking away from our arrangement means walking away from me entirely. You are free to leave any time, but it means you are leaving my life, not just the arrangement.”
“I will push you to your limits at times and make you wonder if you made the right choice. But all I can tell you as I sit here now is that whatever I may do, I do for me. And the best thing for me, is my freedom and you. It’s the ability to be myself and to share my life with you. So long as my freedom is not at risk, I will work to make you the best man I can and to make you the happiest man I am able. Your happiness is a large part of my happiness.”
“So when you are on your knees, doing something you’re not happy about and thinking about your life choices, I want you to know that I see you there. I know you’re there, I had a reason for putting you there, that I love you, that I want the best for you, and all of this came together to cause me to command you to do it. Have faith. I will work to earn that faith, just work to keep it and learn the lessons I am trying to teach along the way. Also know that while you will call me Goddess, that I am actually not a deity. I am fallible. I will make mistakes. When I make a mistake that in any way impacts you, you can expect me to acknowledge it openly and what I plan to do about it in the future. But at no time are you to take away my right to learn my lessons by acting out of turn or attempting to lecture me. There are effective means of respectfully advising me; use them.”
“This is all a long-winded way of me saying, thank you for placing your trust in me, and when your trust falters, never forget this conversation, and struggle on. Because the real problem is not me or your service to me, but your ego and its struggle to genuinely submit.”
“Let’s take sex out of the picture for a moment. If you were a lawyer and had an opportunity to intern for Supreme Court justice, you know you’d be their bitch right? Or really, at any job, you are your manager’s bitch. You do have power in those situations. You can leave. Just as you can with me. But you work for them, and you respectfully advise them if that is your role. Otherwise, you bend over, put your butt in the air, and take it in the ass like a good boy. And you do that because you trust them and you extend faith in their leadership and guidance, even when they may make questionable choices. The only difference between those analogies and our marriage is that, in those analogies you get to go home at night and be king of your own castle. In our marriage you will come home and be someone else’s bitch. So the question for you is whether you can handle the joys of submission or if you’re too broken for that.”
“I believe you are a perfect submissive, and despite what society may tell you, that you should be proud of that fact. The people who serve in this world are the ones who truly rule it. Because once they decide to stop serving, the world stops functioning. Without you, my world ceases. So know that I will always treasure you and look out for your best interests. So, keep that thought close, even when you’re being whipped viciously for a transgression.”
…
“Wait, what? … !”
