One of our core truths is that Master and I perceive sex and kink differently. “Woah! That’s a unique problem!” I hear you exclaim in sarcasm. True, most everyone experiences this, or some variant of it at some point in their relationships. But that does not make the challenges it presents for us any easier.
This post is about how we might approach our differences, at least our differences in kink, and have a reasonable chance to realize success (which, to me, means deep intimacy).
In my experience, Master is quite gifted when it comes to the act of physical pleasure. Her challenges seem to grow the further we move away from the physical and towards psychological and emotional play of kink.
In the past, my feelings have been hurt when I felt she was making little to no effort. As a result, I felt embarrassed and unloved; apparently not worth the trouble. It wasn’t that she didn’t engage, but she would never ask me even the most basic of questions. This, to me, demonstrated a lack of thoughtful engagement and interest. I think the larger scope of kink just caused her to freeze up. Either that, or it was my demeanor or approach. Likely all of these thing combined.
My Made-Up Example
This morning, in thinking this through, I made up a scenario; completely fabricated, with no basis in reality whatsoever. In this scenario, Master has asked me to dress up in a clown’s outfit, do a jig for a few minutes, and then fuck her while still wearing the clown’s outfit.
So, my first thought as I imagined what my response would be was “What the FUCK?!” 🙂 But, my next thought was then “Ok!”. Because I see sexual exploration as having no horizon, it offers endless exploration of all kinds. And this openness then leads me to start asking questions:
First, some objective questions…
I caution her, before asking the questions, that the less she tells me, the more creative I can be. But if there is truly something specific that must be true, to please tell me.
- Any specifics about the clown outfit I should know about?
- Do you see me wearing makeup and a wig?
- How about clown shoes? Necessary or something I can avoid?
- Any desired color for the wig? or shape?
- The jig, anything specific about the jig?
- How will I know when to move from the jig to fucking?
- Should your cock be out during the jig, or only afterwards?
- When the clown fucks her, how would she like to be taken? (missionary? doggy style? does she want to be on top? bent over the edge of the bed? other positions?)
- Is there a manner to the sex? (such as does the clown ravish her, cum, and then it ends? Does she want the sex to last so she can have multiple orgasms? If the clown is to cum, does he cum on her face? tits? does she want to give oral at time of clown orgasm and swallow? any other specifics?)
I ask all of these probing questions so that I can make sure the absolute essentials are done. But also, I ask and I watch her reactions so that I get a better sense of what this is all about to her. What I want is to know the minimum, but yet understand the emotional and psychological outcomes she’s seeking. Then I can be creative and bring her unique experiences every time we do it.
I then move into more subjective and intimate questions:
- What feelings do you wish to explore that the clown outfit is expected to trigger?
- Why does the clown need to perform a jig? What is the emotional result that she feels when she thinks of a clown doing a jig?
- What is the point of keeping the clown outfit on as she gets fucked?
- How often does she imagine she might like to experience this? (not looking for a schedule, just some sense of how regular or rare she imagines this so that I can surprise her sometimes and not worry I’m overdoing it.)
Based on her responses to these questions, I’ll likely have another 8-12 questions to explore with her. By the time I’m done with my questions, I have a pretty good sense of what she’s after. I’m not worried about it being perfect when we do it. Not the first time, not the 20th time. But every time, I hope it is a little better for her.
Now, lest it not be clear, I have zero self-interest in being fucked by a clown, or in playing a clown doing a jig. But I love Master and this is something she’s interested in exploring. For that reason alone, I want to understand this. In understanding her desire, I understand her better. In witnessing her response to my performance, I understand her better. That understanding, and the experiences we share acquiring it, is intimacy. And when, each time, she needs to be hugged after it all and forgiven for whatever false shame she feels for wanting a clown to fuck her, I’ll be there and I will fall in love with her all over again and make sure she knows that she need never be shamed by any of her desires.
So, I learn that she finds clowns scary. She finds the idea of watching a clown to a jig to be funny. She’s imagining that after all of that, having a clown bring her to orgasm might just begin to break down this irrational fear she holds for clowns. In her imagination she finds it scary, thrilling, hopefully funny at times, and hopefully orgasmic at the end.
I’m now set.
I get a clown’s outfit, only I choose to splatter it with a bit of red paint like blood splatter. I paint on an evil looking clown face. I have acquired a Halloween rubber knife with ‘blood’ on it. I decide to try and find a jig that is comical in nature. I find some funny music to dance it to. I even get one of those cans of ‘snakes’ so that when I go to pull out her cock, the snake springs forth. I invest myself creatively into what she’s seeking so that I can produce a unique experience for her.
And yet, I have zero self-interest in being a clown, putting on makeup, or in doing a silly jig. I imagine I’m going to get pretty sweaty, pretty quick. I imagine that I’m going to have some trouble keeping her cock hard for her while wearing all of this and being hot. But I’m all in. Because I love this woman and I want to have this intimate experience with her.
Every time we do it, she points out things that worked and things that did not. I take all input in a positive spirit. This experience is not for me, it’s for her. If something didn’t work for her, I WANT to know. I want to make the changes needed to bring her the experience she seeks. Throughout all of this, the planning, the execution, the after-care, the follow-up, I’m in heaven, learning so much about Master, and she about me as well. This is the kind of thing I dream about; not this made up scenario specifically, but this kind of intimacy. Two people, letting go behind closed doors, being vulnerable, being loved, being trusted. being silly, having fun. Just two adult children who love one another and want to play, to reveal themselves, be seen, accepted, and loved.
So now, something real…
That last was a complete fabrication I made up in about 15 minutes. But what is real is my desire to be pissed on. Let’s explore that shit a bit.
I have never been pissed on. I have no idea if I will like it. I suspect that Master’s performance will dictate whether I like it or not.
I can say this for certain, the idea of having a warm liquid streamed onto my body, while my back is pressed against a cold ceramic tub, while the smell of urine wafts through the air, is absolutely not something I want. That does not sound good at all.
But what does feel good is looking into the eyes of my Master and knowing that she is taking the act of marking her territory seriously; and I am her territory.
So what questions might she ask? (for brevity’s sake I’ll add answers here as well)
- Is there any specific place you’d like to do this?
Well, the tub obviously due to ease of cleanup. But after that, if I enjoy it, maybe we could do it on the bed but with the liquid absorbing blanket we have, or the rubber area cover we have for wax-play, which has a lip to prevent liquids from slipping out. Or maybe we get a larger absorbing blanket just for piss-play. But all of these other options would only be if we both enjoyed it. Obviously, we’d need a lot of towels to clean up, if we did it in the bed, so that we could get to the shower without leaving a trail. - Why would you want to do it outside of the shower?
Well, laying down on cold ceramic is no fun. We can warm the ceramic a bit by running hot water right beforehand and then draining it out. But I also like the idea, again only if this turns out to be something we like, that it can be done more spontaneously. It’s such a production to run warm water, heat up the tub, drain the tub, lay down in the tub, you arrive, we do it, and then immediately take a shower, etc. It just feels like an ordeal. But yet an ordeal I’d like to experience at least once. If we liked doing it, then maybe we try to make at least the lead up to it less of an ordeal. I think no mater what the after-ordeal will remain the same; the need for a shower, etc. I could see us having sex and then suddenly you pissing on me when you felt the time was right. But that idea, of doing it outside of the bathtub, would be only after we’d done it in the tub many times and were convinced of our desire to change it up. - Is there anywhere, on your body, where you want me specifically to piss on you?
Definity your cock and my face/head. But more generally, so that you can feel free to be creative, wherever it moves you. Where on my body, or in what position would you want me, and yourself, that feels most like you are marking your property? I also imagine you straddling my back, like a horse, and pissing on it as you ride. - What other specifics can you think of?
What comes to mind is that this is not about the urine. This is about feeling my Master is making me and putting me in my place. The vibe needs to not be a clinical one, but instead one of domination and submission. So, humiliation of any kind is not out of place; in fact it couldn’t find a better place to be expressed. Be cruel, and mean it. We all have shortcomings and things we’re embarrassed about. Not speaking of those things between us only separate us, it does not bring us together. You can be as cruel as you like. I know you love me, you reaffirm you love me when you do such things, and you will also reaffirm your love for me when we are done with our session and share aftercare. Let it go. Be full of love, but cruel; just don’t be full of hate and cruel. If full of hate, shelve the humiliation and let’s do an impact scene instead so you can release some of the negative energy. Aside form humiliation, just make sure that the tone is one of proud domination of a willing and submissive male. As apposed to a mean and cruel dominant “doing something” to her submissive. You’ve seen dogs that roll over on their bag and put their feet in the air as a sign of submission; that is what I am doing. I am submitting to you and you are marking me as your property. I am proud and happy to be marked as your property, and you are proud to have me as your property. The humiliation, while present, should be on that same tone more than likely (but there is room for variance on this). I’d give you some examples of humiliation but I’m afraid that for them to really work, they need to come from you. Just don’t hold back. If you think of something, run with it. Never forget, I know you love me. Oh, and if you are able, consider not pissing all at once. If you can clip it off, change position, delay a bit as we talk, and then piss some more, that might be interesting.
So then she might decide to go more subjective…
- How do you hope to feel when I piss on you?
I wish to feel owned and submissive. I wish to look into your eyes as you do it and see no laughter or giggles, but a seriousness of purpose. This is akin to marking your cattle. The stench of your urine will keep other women at bay. This isn’t exactly a loving moment, but it is not devoid of love. It isn’t a cruel act, just a necessary one. Any cruelty would instead be found in humiliation you heap upon me. But even that has a purpose. It is designed to make me aware that I am lucky to have you. That despite all of my failings, that someone as wonderful as you has taken an interest and owns me. - What other emotions or thoughts come to mind when doing this?
Just that this is neither a time to giggle nor a time to hate. This is a ceremony. That’s it! This is a ceremony with purpose. My submission and your domination are reaffirmed in this ceremony. I voluntarily suffer a cold shower floor, the smell of urine, and the humiliation of it all to show my love and devotion to you. You take your precious time to mark your property, to show your domination and love for me, as well to call out shortfalls that you want me to work on for you (this is the humiliation part).
Beyond these answers, I’m not even sure I will like this enough to do it again. But I feel the desire to repeat will not be found in urine quality or the temperature of the floor, but in our performances and in our ability to move it from a clinical act to a happy reaffirmation of our FLR and power dynamic.
Where we take this activity, even if we continue this activity, is ours to decide. It’s not the activity, it’s what we experience through it that matters. This is not about placing urine on a partner. This is about performing a societal taboo, quietly, together. It is about having a unique shared experience. It is about opening up to one another and welcoming new experiences and trying things together. It’s about being two kids, behind the barn, saying “I’ll show you mine if you’ll show me yours“. It’s about the wonder of self- and shared- exploration of who we are as human beings and sexual animals.
And this approach can all be applied to every kink we explore together. It should be about an open and genuine desire to learn about ourselves and one another so that we can grow closer and more intimate in the process. This, to me, is a blueprint for success. This, to me, is what kink is all about.
