Steve and I dated for about a year and half before he popped the question in earnest.
I remember the moment, if not the actual proposal itself. It was a quiet Friday evening in late Fall. The trees had long turned; the ground littered with their fallen debris. It was a cool clear evening. We’d even opted to open the windows, despite his allergies. A perfect night for snuggling up and watching a movie together. That night he picked a title I had never heard of before. A romantic time-travel tear-jerker I discovered. He had decided to create an intimate atmosphere before proposing, hoping that it would put me in a more receptive frame of mind.
He’d suggested marriage a few times before, but each time I’d put him off gently. This time however, his preparation and directness made deflection difficult.
My gym trainer had set us up over a year ago. Steve was new to the area and had been going to the same gym and the same trainer. After learning that Steve had no knowledge of the area, the trainer spoke to me and asked if I’d be interested in showing someone new the sights of Chicago. I was hesitant at first. Recent events had me treasuring my solitude. But at her urging, I relented.
He was attractive enough, although not overly. He was so young looking. I learned later than he was 5 years younger than me. What he lacked in brawn and looks I felt he made up for in intelligence and eagerness.
We went out a few times. I only remember bits and pieces. To be honest, it’s been so long that I can’t remember when it turned from local guide into something more.
I saw emotional depth to him, but often it was fleeting. He’d apparently been hurt badly in the recent past and chose not to talk of it. I found him to be somewhat stingy with his deeper emotions. His primary endearing trait was an eagerness to please me. And, despite his heartbreak, he was still a romantic at heart. He’d won me over more than once with thoughtful and selfless gestures.
Tonight, he was all charm. He could be that way when he wanted something.
However, I was comfortable being on my own and was wary of marriage. I felt too… unique to ever find a suitable candidate. I didn’t mean that in a snobbish way. I just knew that my world view was not a common one. I wanted a family, to be sure. At the prime age of thirty-five, I was quite aware that my clock was ticking, but even so, I felt no urge to act in haste and make a mistake.
The movie was nice, pushing all the right buttons, as he knew it would. The credits hadn’t yet completed before he got on his knee and brought out the ring. I tried my best to simultaneously show surprise, joy, and reservation in equal measure, but reservation won the day, as he could plainly see. I smiled gently, told him I loved him and that I’d think about it. Not a rejection, but also not the moment he’d sought.
The evening ended well for him, I made sure of it. But I made sure to say again, as we lay afterwards in each other’s arms, that I loved him, and I needed to carefully consider. With a drowsy grunt as my only response, I knew he was less than content. I slid down to his now limp cock and made sure he went to sleep a more contented man.
The next morning I awoke at six to the alarm I had set the night before, stumbled into the bathroom to take care of necessities, and then found my way to the kitchen to make coffee. I sat there, face-planted in my cup, waiting for him to rise; like a zombie ready to pounce; a very old, very feeble, and very sleepy zombie. I sat at the dining room table, wearing my robe, sipping my coffee cup, wondering how the fuck anyone could rise this early day after day. I set the early alarm so that I could get up and collect my thoughts before he arose at 6:30. And just like clockwork, he came into the kitchen about forty-five minutes later, fully dressed, chipper as fuck, and with a spring in his step. The dick.
I’d normally not even think about opening my eyes until 8. But I knew it would be best to catch him early, before he became engaged in his day. At least one of us would be awake for perhaps the most critical conversation of our lives.
“Woah! The crypt keeper rises early” he joked as he headed for the coffee maker.
“Ha ha” I replied sarcastically and made a face.
“What’s on your agenda today?” I asked.
“Nothing really; nothing important anyway” he answered as he poured his coffee.
“Well, if you have a few minutes” I said, watching him from behind as he poured his coffee, “I’d like to discuss your proposal”.
His posture stiffened immediately. “Sure” came the uncertain reply.
“Take a seat” I instructed, with a lethargic wave to the seat across from me.
As he sat down, I began, “I want you to know that I love you, I truly do. You’re dear to me in so many ways”. And he really was, more than I could express in my current state.
“But there are some things we must discuss that I haven’t previously brought up because they would only be important if we were to try and take us to the next level”.
He nodded his head as if he understood. He was about to realize just how little he did understand.
“I don’t want to spend our entire morning on this, but there’s one pretty big thing in particular I’d like for you to begin to think about”, I added.
His eyebrows raised slightly.
“Our life together so far has been wonderful, and very egalitarian. I appreciate your focus on my happiness, and I hope you feel I’ve reciprocated” I said with full sincerity.
I took a leisurely sip of my coffee, more to slow myself down than because I wanted coffee.
“As an unmarried couple, with the choice to leave if either of us ever lost interest, I felt no need to change the way things have evolved between us. But if we’re to consider marriage, I need you to know that our life would have to change. And it would need to change rather significantly. You need to carefully consider what I’m about to tell you. Also, if you’re amenable, there are some things we can do that might help you to better understand the nature of the changes that would have to be made. In that way, you might then experience them before you make a final decision”.
His expression matched that of the doe I caught in my headlights one-night last year; unsure what was coming, but sensing it must be big.
“If I’m to commit to you, for the rest of my life, then you should know that I demand complete control of our marriage. And before you start with the questions, let me be clear that I mean complete control over every aspect of you and our marital life, without exception”.
I took another sip of my coffee, as much to calm my nerves as to create a pause for him so that my words might have time to sink in.
He seemed stunned and at a loss for words at first. “But why?” he finally managed to stumble out. He didn’t seem angry or hurt. His question seemed genuine. That was a hopeful sign.
“Because I’m done with the patriarchy, and male dominance in general. I’ll never put that yoke around my neck again. As an unmarried couple, if I ever felt the need, I could create a safe space for myself or, if really necessary, take a walk. If we marry, spacing and ‘walking’ is less a choice, especially if children will be involved, which they will be… eventually”.
He watched and waited for me to continue.
“While there’s a lot more to marriage than sex, I know sex is a major consideration for you, for any male really. I promise to fully take care of you and your needs, but I control all aspects of our marriage and therefore that means I control your sex life. As a healthy human female, sex is essential to me, but it isn’t nearly the instinctual driver that it is for you men. I mention sex first because I think most men would sooner give up control of every other aspect of their lives before giving up control over their sex life”.
I paused for a moment before adding, “I need you to carefully consider what I tell you today, ask your questions now and over the coming weeks, and decide if your ego can accommodate a woman in charge of your life. If it can, then we can discuss whether you’re still interested in exploring marriage. And I want you to know that it’s ok if you don’t. You don’t need to feel badly in any way. But I will own the male that agrees to marry me, not the other way round”.
While I had a lot more to say, he had the gist, and I knew it best now to shut the fuck up and let him take this wherever he needed. I sat back, holding my coffee cup to steady my hands and keep them warm. “So, what are your initial thoughts?” I asked.
He paused for a long moment and then said, “I’m just not sure what this even means”. I nodded in understanding, bit my lip, and waited for him to continue. “So…, you’ll control our finances?” he asked.
“Yes” I replied, and then quickly added, “if you can think it, then yes, I’d control it. I absolutely want your input. I want your ideas and I want to know how you think and feel on every matter. I want us to work together to find our joint solution to every decision we must make. But in the end, if a decision has to be made and our individual choices don’t align, I’ll make all final decisions and you’ll abide. You’ll not only abide, you’ll align your every effort to fully support my decisions”.
He contemplated for awhile and then, looking somewhat sheepish, asked, “So, you’ll decide if and when we have sex?”
“Hate to break it to you brother, but I already do that now” I softly pointed out. “I may allow you the illusion of control, but we don’t have sex unless I agree.”
“Of course. But does this mean only you can initiate sex after we’re married?” he asked.
“Well you can ask for it. But… you won’t. There will be days where I can see allowing you to take the lead. But for most of the time you will wait for me to initiate it” I responded. “I’ll take care of you, both in quality and frequency… provided you are a good boy.”
He sat, pondering all that I’d said. “Look, I’ll be honest, I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around what all of this would mean”.
I paused for a moment and then asked, “you remember how you decided to purchase a new laptop earlier this year?”
“Yes”.
“Well, that won’t happen again without my approval” I stated flatly. “Your income will be deposited into my accounts. Every penny we earn is under my control. You will be given access to those accounts I feel you should in case I become disabled for a short term. You will be listed as beneficiary on all long term accounts. You will never be locked out, and all of our financial resources will be accessible to you eventually. I’ll give you a small allowance that you’re free to spend as you like.”
“And when we went together to get my hair cut last week, once we arrived you told me that you were going to run over to the electronics store and then left. In the future ,when we go out together, you will stay with me at all times and request permission if you ever need or desire to leave my side”.
“If you agree to marry me, for all intents and purposes, I’ll own you. You will be my property. I’ll take great care of you, never treat you poorly, always use you to the best of your abilities, and I will nurture and love you. I’ll reward good behavior, and I’ll punish bad. But you’ll do as you’re told, or I’ll leave you”.
I paused, waiting, watching his face for signs of comprehension.
“Wow. But why would I want to do this, be treated so poorly and have such little say?” he asked honestly.
“Well, first, I beg to differ, you’ll be treated very well, not poorly. Second, you’ll have a great say. Your voice matters to me. In fact, if I fail to listen and consider your thoughts and feelings, I expect that you’d leave me. I need you! But I also need you to accept my leadership. In the end, someone has to decide when we’re at odds. I will be the head of my household; the one who makes the final decision when there’s no consensus. And secondly, so long as you serve me well, I’ll fucking rock your world in the bedroom so often that you’ll never have cause to even consider leaving. I’ll respect you, listen to you, love you, and ensure you’re well taken care of every day. Do what you’re told, serve me well, remain loyal and obedient, and you won’t want for love, sex, or adoration the rest of your life”, I replied in earnest.
“Oh…, and on the matter of sex”, I began as I sat up straighter, “we need to discuss”.
I paused as I looked up at him, watching him struggling with concepts he’d never considered. I knew this was going to be the big reveal, the moment when ‘we’ might cease to be. I bit my lip and then launched right in.
“There are several things that you’re likely going to be concerned about. First, I’ll control exactly what happens during sex. Second, you’ll be required to follow my every command. Third, I will always be the focus of pleasure until, and if, I decide to address your pleasure. And finally, I’ll have safe sex with whomever I please, with you either present, participating, or absent; preferably present and participating, in some capacity”.
In the long silence that followed I swear I could have heard a cricket fart.
A smile slowly began to form on his lips.
“I’m not joking”, I quickly interjected.
The smile instantly disappeared. He stammered, “Wha…? Wait, what?! You can have sex with whomever you please?” he exclaimed.
“Safe sex yes, but that won’t happen without first taking your feelings into consideration. I strongly encourage you to not focus on that as the crux of your concern. I’d likely never invite someone to our bed if that person caused you great distress, but I will have other lovers. So, as you consider marriage to me, please keep this in mind”.
He seemed uncertain as how to continue. I waited patiently, knowing that he needed time to find and follow his own path.
“I don’t know where to begin to ask questions” he finally said in defeat, as he slumped back in his chair.
Seeing his withdrawal, I decided to answer questions yet unasked. “Putting the larger issue of my control over your life aside for the moment, are you prepared to have your sex life controlled by me? And before you answer, I want you to understand that you won’t have sex with anyone else unless I command it, that you won’t masturbate or orgasm unless I expressly allow it. Sexually speaking, it will often seem that you exist primarily to please me. However, if you do as you’re told, and please me in all ways, in and out of the bedroom, I’ll absolutely take care of your needs, and then some”.
He considered for a moment and then asked, “How in the world will you prevent me from having sex with someone else or masturbating?” he asked almost triumphantly.
I took another very slow sip from my coffee. Stay calm and he’ll stay calm, or so I kept telling myself.
“Your word is important, and I trust, at the time you make the commitment to be monogamous, that you mean it. But I also know that sexual needs are biological and instinctual, and that a promise made today may not have the same sway in the years ahead. For that reason, you’ll always be kept in chastity when I’m not making use of you sexually”.
His chin couldn’t have dropped any lower or mouth been any more open. I swear I could have crawled into the oral orifice his face became.
I quickly continued, “Look, you’re dear to me, and I love you; I wouldn’t consider marriage at all otherwise. At this moment, you’re a free man; free to choose your path. In fact, even if we marry, you’d still have the freedom to leave. I tell you all of this not to scare you away, but to be fully honest and forthcoming about the changes we’d have to make if I were to accept your proposal. I must say that I am truly scared right now. We have a nice relationship at the moment. We have no unbreakable commitments, and we’ve found each other’s company to be pleasant and rewarding. But that will only take us so far. Like you, I want to see our relationship grow into something ‘more’. This is my more. It may not be your more, but it most definitely is the next stage in my life; assuming I can find the right partner. I hope you can be that partner.”
I looked deeply into his confused eyes and mustered a nervous smile.
“I cannot be anything but who I am. I hope you’ll carefully think all of this over, give me the opportunity to answer any questions you may have, and to hopefully alleviate any concerns you may have. If you decide this isn’t something you can consider, I understand. I hope, in that case, we can remain friends. But I’ll not marry you under any other terms” I stated, firmly.
“Oh, and one other thing. I give you two choices when it comes to surnames. You can keep your surname, or adopt mine, but I’ll not adopt yours. Any children we have will carry my surname. While I would be tickled if you chose my surname, I respect your right to keep your own and it will not be a point of contention between us”. I stopped, as I felt I’d said more than enough. But then remembered to add, almost as a plea, “Please, serve me well, be my adviser and confidant, and I will do everything in my power to ensure you will want for nothing in this marriage”.
He slumped back in his chair, eyes slightly glazed, his face the embodiment of confusion.
“Not to make light of the very large bombshell I just dropped, but for now, can we shelve it and run out for breakfast? I’m starved and haven’t yet had a chance to pick up groceries”.
“Sure” came the faint soft reply as his eyes stared off into nothingness.
I stood up and walked to his side of the table. I leaned over, kissing him passionately. I looked into his slightly glazed eyes, smiled, and said sarcastically “I do happen to know just a little about you. Serving me well comes with unique and orgasmic rewards. If you agree to my terms, I believe not only that you’ll never regret it, but that you’ll later come to see that it was the best decision of your life”. I slowly kissed him while stroking his firming cock through his pants. ‘His’ cock, I was fairly confident, would soon be ‘my’ cock.
I stood abruptly. “But for now, I really do need something to eat. I have no idea how you early birds rise at this hour. Let’s go!” I yelled as I pulled on his arm to get him out of the chair and his shell-struck state.
